is maturity inevitable?

The past week and half has been fairly monumental for me for various reasons.

1. i adapted to getting <4 hours a sleep a day
2. i saw things which scared the hell outta me, but became comfortable with them
3. realised compromise is a bitch that you gotta deal with it
4. i shoulda grown up on a beach

I haven't written in this shit for a long while, but life is goin well, i'm doing the regular grind at work and what not, but i am finally making moves.

paramore- misery business - listen just once

intelligence it the bane of existance of modern man.

i'm going to try and ignore it as much as i can

gym class heroes - shoot down the stars


words are amazing

For some bloody reason i don't know why i've started reading Neruda again, well a little bit. Always blown away, much like my favorite gabriel garcia marquez. This poem i think just about everyone can relate to

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

- Pablo Neruda


mind growth

An intriguing thing occurred to me the other day during a periodic lapse in judgement. While i obviously write in a construed, hap-hazard method, there are obvious undertones and direct commentary on my life. just to interject. stream of consciousness mostly.

back to my thought, it revolves around the concept of integrity, friendship and the inability to read between lines. While the majority of my college life was experienced with neural patterns that were not that of a normal individual, with my new found clarity i've been rethinking through past experiences with a different perspective. Note, i've been reading up on neuro-linguistic-programming, which by the way is very interesting for a lot of reasons, and may explain my insanity.

One thing that i've noticed while recalling a number of these past experiences were a number of comments made by certain individuals, while at the time were odd, they were significant enough for me to recall them now. Now we all know i'm a big fan of conspriacy and in general i give people the benefit of the doubt, well maybe you dont' know but i'd like to think i'm ideal like that.(yes i have a very misconstrued personal image) Anyways back to the point, is that although we (by we i mean me and a certain individual) had come up with a proposed explanation, we neither believed it or should i say hoped it wasn't true.

With my new found perspective, the sad truth was that it is true. While this is not that big a deal in general, well big enough for me to blog about, but still not that big, it does have fairly far reaching consequences.

I discussed the situation with a totally new friend who has no concept of any of the individuals, and gave fairly reasonable stance on the various comments which i recalled. Obviously this can't completly impartial as its from my memory. Anyways the conclusion which was made was that i really could never be close with this individual in the future, despite having been close to them at the time.

Oh well fuck it, i don't have time to worry about this shit. Time to make moves, like i said before the next few months are crucial within my future development.

queen and david bowie - Under pressure


Further clarity

Additionally i've had a number of things on my mind to the previous entry, the next topic is along the lines of self-improvement. After going through an arduous and grueling weekend of thinking about things, there are a few things which i just need to do. Finally capable of doing things. The next 3 months will be a big changing point in my life and career. opportunities are becoming materialized and will monetize themselves.

Entourage, but staying in Manhattan.

the truth

i'm back to my regular grind, and must say i've been thinking a lot about things, well mostly because my mind is no longer in the clouds.

So during a typical discussion with friends prior to going out, we all pretty much came to the same conclusion that you can't find a quality girl in a club or bar, it just doesn't happen, or at the very least not to anyone we know. I'm sure you're thinkin i'm hatin and what not, and well i am, but at the same time, all the choice girls i do know totally agree.

While on the subjects of girls, what can i say, i'm a product of my environment. Respect. I think its also encoded in my dna : Rajput Thakur. Perhaps, i should have been born a couple centuries ago, i think i would have been better off back then.

so with the atypical mind fuck puzzle that life has thrown me at this moment, i happened to catch a line from the movie Casanova while flipping channels. This is what the girl said

"Give me a man who is man enough to give himself just to the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me I would love him alone and forever. "

clarity. where is this girl who's worth i deem the same as mine? ;) i don't know, the but the big part is, if i DID know, would she feel that way if she felt she was that woman? Thats the big catch with this statement. Clearly its from a fairytale, i'm not that naive, but possibility could exist in the real world, but what is the chances? there are too many factors which need to coincide. i'm not going to get all mathematical on you, but wait its my blog and i'm a nerd so fuck it i will.

after discussing this issue with a friend, we came to the conclusion that 1 out of 100 people you meet you would deem of equal worth. Don't think we're giving ourselves disspropriate self worth, its just that equal worth can't be measured, and its really more of the level of connection you feel with another person. Additionally you add in the factor that its 1 out of 100 people you MEET. not 100 people in general. This immediately removes roughly 85% of the population. now trying to find within this super exclusive pool, someone else with the same concept of finding a person of equal self-worth and wanting to love them alone and forever. This is a much harder number to forecast, for women i could see this being higher than men...clearly, but still very low percentage, only on the basis that most people give up on this concept at somepoint within their lives. so i'd give it like 10% of this group on girls. that a total stab in the dark.

So calculated, that would mean that a person would need to meet 1000 people before meeting 1 individual that could fit into this category. I guess perhaps this is doable in a number of years. Perhaps this is why it takes so long to find what you really want without settling.

I will never settle. Whether it means i have to wait 20 years or move across the world.

Anyways back to being 5 years old...


the metamorphosis

back in nyc, finally back on my regular schedule. during the past month i have realized a great number of things in my life.

1) there is hope.
2) i really like asian food
3) being clean actually isn't that boring
4) i want to be a better person

while this all seems fairly retarded to anyone who doesn't know me, anyone who does would actually know that number 2 is by far the most relevant.

the best thing to happen so far is the emergence of a new type of animal which i had thought was extinct. in reality it wasn't that it had ever gone extinct but only one had been caged and released into public view close to my proximity. The rest still live free and wild in their respective habitats. That inspired number 1 and also is slightly the catalyst for number 4.

its hard to stay straight, there are too many excuses that can be made and allow for a disallusioned, coma-esc way of detachment from reality. In the past this has been a crutch/excuse and reason for not attempting to acheive. I've come to see that if you dont confront your fear, then you alone will be full responsible for your malcontent. I don't want to live a life of what-ifs. And so number 3 is relevant in my progression to v2.0

anyways cheers bitches,

time to make some moves, i can't handle workin for the man specially since he gets paid 10 times more than i do for the work i'm doing.

this time next year, a race for the prize. finally found something worth fighting for.

flaming lips - superman


i'm goin goin back back to NYC

yo this was a fun stunt, but once again i've hit the threshold of sanity... i like this city and these people, they're great. but i guess like my life i gravitate towards garbage.

So...what this means, is i really don't give a fuck about anything. I live from one chemical intoxication from another. LOL which means that tonite, decimal scale is slowly moving towards binary. i gotta give props to my boy Ram for that one, no beer goggles, you just go from decimal to binary.

0 or 1 its pretty simple. In other hilarity i got wasted well not really wasted but enough drinks with my co-workers that i was dying laughing, lol, the points system. Dude i wish i grew up in Holland, some hilarious stories.

If i got choose a coast, i gotta choose the EAST, cause i live out there! SO DON'T GO THERE!

the truth is i am a bad person. These people don't seem to realize that. Its too bad,

They say choose life, i say fuck making a choice.


Blues in Singapore

I'm probably bouncing out of here soon, like this weekend, because my client is a bunch of idiots. And so my love affair with this fun city will come to an end.



Movin' thru Space and Time

Singapore is the place of V2.0
~ applicable rhymes of the moments~
I'm a travellin' man
Movin through places, space and time
Gotta lotta things i got to do

This confrontation

This is the daily operation

A concentration

Stay focused on my recitation
'Bout to reach my destination with the balls of hesitation
Baby make the preperation 'cuz this ain't no recreation
This is Pro Ball!
And we lettin you know y'all
At the show y'all
Doin' this for dough y'all
Get the phone call
And I'm ready to blow y'all
'Bout to go y'all
Been a pleasure to know y'all

I'll be back to you
All over the world we go
DC all over the world we go
VA all over the world we go
London all over the world we go
Japan we go over the world we go
Paris we go over the world we go

More Mos For ya'

I don't hate playas, I don't love the game
I'm the shot clock, way above the game
To be point blank with you motherfuck the game
I got all this work on me, I ain't come for play
You can show the little shorties how you pump and fake
But dog, Not to def, I'm not impressed
I'm not amused, I'm not confused, I'm not to dude
I'm grown man business, and I am not in school
Put your hand down youngin' this is not for you!



So i've been workin like a mad man in Singapore, and one thing i must say is that this place is slightly weird but precariously awesome.

I can't really grasp what it is, perhaps the western like influences of Sir Raffles and the Brits which are intertwined with the populace of primarily Asian origin. It remind me of New York as in you see a lot of cultural mixing, however blantantly different as the cultures mixing are very different.

I went out for the first time, and it was quite nice. The club, Attica, had a very similar feel to clubs in Delhi, Bombay and a touch of Tokyo. One thing about the desi people out here is that they carry themselves in a way that is very different than in the states. The sub-cultures which have developed in the states, i.e. Blindians and IAP(indian american princess) don't seem to be here.

IAP girls have been predominantly the reason i can't stand most desi girls i know in the states. Anyways i think that the girls here are much more confident in themselves and don't show a lot of those attributes. Anyways, i will pontificate later in further experiences, as i now must get ready to go out.




Yo, london is the shit, i've been here for 4 days and been working like a banshee, there is just something about londoners which is like more than new yorkers.

I lost my fuckin camera batter adapter so i can't take and photos, FUCK. i'm goin to try and find a place today.