playing with new brushes

Charles Cros - Scherzo

French:

Sourires, fleurs, baisers, essences,

Après de si fades ennuis,

Après de si ternes absences,

Parfumez le vent de mes nuits!

Illuminez ma fantaisie,

Jonchez mon chemin idéal,

Et versez-moi votre ambroisie,

Longs regards, lys, lèvres, santal!

Car j'ignore l'amour caduque

Et le dessillement des yeux,

Puisqu'encor sur ta blanche nuque

L'or flamboie en flocons soyeux.

Et cependant, ma fière amie,

Il y a longtemps, n'est-ce pas?

Qu'un matin tu t'es endormie,

Lasse d'amour entre mes bras.

Ce ne sont pas des choses charnelles

Qui font ton attrait non pareil,

Qui conservent à tes prunelles

Ces mêmes rayons de soleil.

Car les choses charnelles meurent,

Ou se fanent à l'air réel.

Mais toujours tes beautés demeurent

Dans leur nimbe immatériel.

Ce n'est plus l'heure des tendresses

Jalouses, ni des faux serments.

Ne me dis rien de mes maîtresses,

Je ne compte pas tes amants.

A toi, comète vagabonde

Souvent attardée en chemin,

Laissant ta chevelure blonde

Flotter dans l'éther surhumain,

Qu'importent quelques astres pâles

Au ciel troublé de ma raison,

Quand tu viens à longs intervalles

Envelopper mon horizon?

Je ne veux pas savoir quels pôles

Ta folle orbite a dépassés,

Tends-moi tes seins et tes épaules;

Que je les baise, c'est assez. 

English Translation:

Smiles, flowers, kisses and essences, perfume the wind of my nights after such insipid boredom, after such dreary absences!

Light up my fantasy, strew my ideal path and pour me your ambrosia, lingering glances, lilies, lips, and sandal-wood!

For i know nothing of decrepit love and eyes unsealed, since the gold still blazes in silky tufts on your white neck.

And yet, my proud friend, it was a long time ago, wasn't it? that, weary of loving, you went to sleep in my arms one morning.

It is not carnal things that make your charm unequalled, that keep those same sunbeams in your pupils.

For carnal things die or wither in fresh air. But your beauties always remain within their spiritual halo.

It is no longer the time for jealous tenderness nor for false oaths.

Tell me nothing of my mistresses; I do no count your lovers.

For you, wandering comet, often loitering on your path, letting your fair hair float in the superhuman ether,

What do a few pale stars matter in my reason's troubled sky, when at long intervals you come to close my horizon round?

I do not want to know what poles your mad orbit left behind it; give me your breasts and shoulders; let me kiss them, and that is enough.

Gérard de Nerval - Une allée du Luxembourg

I couldn't find the English translation online i was looking for while finding this gem amongst my father's books, i couldn't even find out who the original translator was... so i decided i would type it out.

Its from The Penguin Book of French Version 3  (1957) Edited by Anthony Hartley


Gérard de Nerval - Une allée du Luxembourg

Original French:

Elle a passé, la jeune fille
Vive et preste comme un oiseau:
À la main une fleur qui brille,
À la bouche un refrain nouveau.

C'est peut-être la seule au monde
Dont le coeur au mien répondrait,
Qui venant dans ma nuit profonde
D'un seul regard l'éclairerait!

Mais non, - ma jeunesse est finie...
Adieu, doux rayon qui m'as lui, -
Parfum, jeune fille, harmonie...
Le bonheur passait, - il a fui!


English Translation:

The young girl passed by
as lively and quick as a bird:
in her hand a shining flower,
in her mouth a new song.

She is, perhaps, the only one in the world
whose heart would answer mine,
who, coming into my deep night,
would light it up with a single glance.

But no, - my youth is over...
Farewell, sweet beam that shone on me, -
perfume, young girl, melody...
Happiness passed by, - it has fled!

ciao bella

i stumbled across immense beauty which fuels the left brain of which ancestral genes dictate the use of words aiming to capture the vibrations of emotion as best possible.

precise is the acumen for what my observation is based,
with such intensity your eyes wisk side to side
a brow furrows, deep focus sets in,
the light hits your auburn eyes,
the moment burns with intrigue as your pupils dilate,
i watch wistfully, jealous of the words before you.
dumbfounded in awe i peer between my finger pretending to not stare,
a quick glance up, oh shit she saw me! a tight lipped smile comes over her, phew


that needs to go through like 10 more versions before its ready for anyone to actually read.

can't sleep (part deux)

i am such a miserable idiot, i just read a few of my first entries, wow the 22 year old version of me was a million times more ambitious. i literally was on the right path and made a wrong decision... following the beaten path like a sheep.

goodnight and goodluck, i will be sleeping soundly.

can't sleep

i can't sleep for shit tonight, so i figured i would try to read a book. Well after about 10 pages i was like wow this is not interesting, so like a true genius i decided i would do work. by work i mean actual work...like for the man...what the hell is wrong with me? once completed i decided to reward myself with a 5$ bottle of figi water. the bottle like any other figi water bottle is delicious, the need however to put a cardboard cover over the cap with $5.00 boldly written in Helvetica Neue trounces my spirit.

"Hey you, yea, the guy in the striped pjs, just letting you know, don't think you get this shit for free"

BUT i'm thirsty damnit~! its entertaining to think that its 420am right now, and i have to be at the office in less than 4 hours. while this is far from absurd, it's hilarious in a "fuck i'm old" kinda way. i can't really tell if i'm even coherent write now, and honestly i don't think anyone reads this blog anymore.

why can't i sleep? ay, there's the rub, luck be told that the fairest of them all wouldnt even know what i say. confused wonderment perhaps is the only explanation. its strange the lens one sees the world through and how desperately one may want to peer through anothers to see their own reflection. my eyes are growing heavy, a good sign, perhaps i will try again tomorrow, however much earlier in the night.

if you read this, post a comment, its curious, and i apologize already for this aberration of a post.

i got some magic in me

as i sit here writing for the first time in years, i reflect back on essentially how my writing has deteriorated from okay to essentially garbage. Is this the effect of corporatizing of youth or just the influence of bad language users? perhaps we'll stumble across the answer as I continue.

Indecision: a wavering between two or more possible courses of action

this has been a primary theme within my life for the past year or so. glad a decision was finally made. the truth is that there is only one vital truth in life. the grandest of these truths is "We shall all die!" while this seems intuitive and a bit dark/negative, but really its quite the opposite. For the note this all based on philosophy of Ramakrishna and Swami Vivekananda, who in my opinion has the best idea of what is actually going on.

so what does this mean for me, it means time to get off my lazy ass and do everything that's worth doing. time is the only thing we have, so be decisive

cheer up!

i've lived to bury my desires, and see my dreams corrode with rust. Now all that's left are fruitless fires, that burn my empty heart to dust.

- Aleksandr Pushkin

thats the literary quote of the day, my initial reaction was: quite finely put.

then i realized i was an idiot because i can't even fathom the desires and dreams that someone such as Pushkin may have had, so i guess it led me more to reflect upon it for a few minutes.

i'll update you if i figure anything out :)

Welcome Back

Several years later and equally obnoxious, I have returned to write. enjoy.

is maturity inevitable?

The past week and half has been fairly monumental for me for various reasons.

1. i adapted to getting <4 hours a sleep a day
2. i saw things which scared the hell outta me, but became comfortable with them
3. realised compromise is a bitch that you gotta deal with it
4. i shoulda grown up on a beach

I haven't written in this shit for a long while, but life is goin well, i'm doing the regular grind at work and what not, but i am finally making moves.

paramore- misery business - listen just once

intelligence it the bane of existance of modern man.

i'm going to try and ignore it as much as i can

gym class heroes - shoot down the stars