mind growth

An intriguing thing occurred to me the other day during a periodic lapse in judgement. While i obviously write in a construed, hap-hazard method, there are obvious undertones and direct commentary on my life. just to interject. stream of consciousness mostly.

back to my thought, it revolves around the concept of integrity, friendship and the inability to read between lines. While the majority of my college life was experienced with neural patterns that were not that of a normal individual, with my new found clarity i've been rethinking through past experiences with a different perspective. Note, i've been reading up on neuro-linguistic-programming, which by the way is very interesting for a lot of reasons, and may explain my insanity.

One thing that i've noticed while recalling a number of these past experiences were a number of comments made by certain individuals, while at the time were odd, they were significant enough for me to recall them now. Now we all know i'm a big fan of conspriacy and in general i give people the benefit of the doubt, well maybe you dont' know but i'd like to think i'm ideal like that.(yes i have a very misconstrued personal image) Anyways back to the point, is that although we (by we i mean me and a certain individual) had come up with a proposed explanation, we neither believed it or should i say hoped it wasn't true.

With my new found perspective, the sad truth was that it is true. While this is not that big a deal in general, well big enough for me to blog about, but still not that big, it does have fairly far reaching consequences.

I discussed the situation with a totally new friend who has no concept of any of the individuals, and gave fairly reasonable stance on the various comments which i recalled. Obviously this can't completly impartial as its from my memory. Anyways the conclusion which was made was that i really could never be close with this individual in the future, despite having been close to them at the time.

Oh well fuck it, i don't have time to worry about this shit. Time to make moves, like i said before the next few months are crucial within my future development.

queen and david bowie - Under pressure